For a long time, some delusional individuals (and certainly not only 1st violinists), have considered 2nd violin girls as being immature, as in, if you give them enough sun, water, fertilizer and attention, they may ripe to become 1st violinists or violists.
This fallacy should move anyone who possesses any intellect into a wary head shaking. After all, it is quite clear that the 2nd violin girl should be considered as a Jungian archetype, a fundamental part of our collective subconscious and even a spiritual guide, a philosophy of life for how we should shape our lives. At least, during the pre-genital phase. Note that we are talking about 2nd violins girls. After all, boys often choose to play a “masculine” instrument, such as cello and double bass. Boys playing double bass or cello have a very loving, musical and sensual relationship with their instrument, but when men play the violin, this is more a form of onanie. By eunuchs. This is obviously rather gender stereotype and hetero normative, and therefore a bit anachronistic. Anyway, the cult of the 2nd violins girls has already produced a lot of books: the way of the 2nd violin girls and management, 2nd violin girls and spiritual development, tasty recipes with 2nd violins girls, the occult rituals of 2nd violin girls and 2nd violin girls gone wild part 1 (unfinished). Furthermore, the 2nd violin girl was also used as a measure of length in the 18th century by architects from the Freemasonry. It is therefore no coincidence that the rooms of the buildings from that era are exactly two 2nd violin girls high (= 3 meters). The phenomenon of the 2nd violin girl has rightfully been investigated for centuries by psychologists, anthropologists, pathologist-anatomists, biologists, sociologists and shady humanists. The whole of our cultural history is permeated with this image: the well-known image of the holy virgin and the immaculate conception is clearly derived from the 2nd violin girl and many historical women were 2nd violin girls: Joan of Arc, Mary Magdalene, Lady Ada Lovelace and her daughter Linda, Anna Freud and Bugs bunny in drag. It is not a coincidence that 2nd violin girls climb up to important functions and become captains of industry, unless their superior is a 1st violinist. In western society, merchandise is also booming: second violin girl posters, books, pillows, video games, bluerays, stuffed animals, anatomically correct action figures and 2nd violin girl uniforms.
In short, without the 2nd violins girls, today’s Western society would look very different and the cold war would have ended a lot worse. They are thus like the doomsday device of the orchestra.
In the previous series of fluffy social science (pleonasm) analyses:
– Brass players: more than just musical flatulence? No.
– Woodwinds and their obsessive compulsive dental care.
– Drummers and their phallic percussive projections
– The dominance of harpists in the BDSM scene
– Violists: from underdog to undercat.
– Celli: their proverbial attraction is causing traffic jams.
– 1st violins: well..
– Conductors and Adlerian power psychology.
– Double bassists: size matters and in fact they all want a caravan.
Old episodes can be reordered for a mere 25 guilders per item.