“What do you think of playing concert with orchestra and choir?”
“It’s better than sex”, I said.
“We have to talk”, my conductor said.

But I stand by my hypothesis!

Let me mansplain this to you.

When it comes to sex, finding a partner can be very hard. You need to find someone you like and trust, and with whom you have mutual attraction. And if you can’t find anyone, you are left to your own devices. Which is not necessarily all bad, but your own device might start chafing after being alone for too long.

But as a musician, you can just start your own ensemble, or join an amateur orchestra or choir. You may have to audition, but that’s also the case for sex. And you can still play with your own instrument if you like. Just.. don’t forget to rosin your bow now and then, and to wet your reeds.

A propos loneliness. Even if we succeed in finding a willing and somewhat attractive partner who finds us somewhat attractive, it quickly tends to turn into a routine, a chore and can become repetitive. With just one person, one gender, one sexual orientation, at home, in bed, for procreation, and very… vanilla.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but compare that to orchestra or choir. You have the change to enjoy musical intimacy with a wide range of people, many people at the same time, with many people watching, people of all genders and gender expressions, diverse harmonies, different instruments and voice groups (which are like different kinks: I.. like what you do with that double reed..), with people making music using their hands and their orifices and all consensual thanks to the leadership of the conductor. And you still can do it in missionary position if you really want and if you actually like repetitiveness you can play minimal music. But don’t forget to rehair your bow now and then.

And finally, sex can lead to diseases. There’s a long list of terrible conditions that can be the result of sex, including but not limited to STD’s, pregnancies or wear and tear.

In the orchestra or choir, things are a lot safer. in the orchestra we don’t just share each other’s mouth pieces, reeds or bows. In the choir, using each other’s larynx is extremely rare, and if people do, they tend to do it in a safe way using resonance. And people wash their hands before touching someone’s octave valve (or duodecimo valve, for the people with unconventional kinks..)

There you have it, I made my case, I am sure you are convinced by now. Goodbye and I shall not shake your hand because who knows where those fingers of you have been.