Two households, both alike in dignity
Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Amsterdam, where we lay our scene.
Once upon a time, there was this boy and this girl, who fell in love with each other and they lived happily ever after. Except they didn’t, because their relationship was fraught with lots of problems. You see, he was a wind player. An oboist, nonetheless. And she was a string player, a violist even. And even worse, they were members of two rival orchestras, he from the Sweelinck Orchestra Amsterdam, and she from the CREA Orchestra Amsterdam.
And when their respective orchestras found out, they were outraged!
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
“How can you do this! A wood wind player.. double reed.. an oboist! With their inflated heads that look like as if they are about to explode! And the Sweelinck.. those fratty, arrogant narcissists! He’ll probably turn into one of them bankers with a lease car who plays golf! Why don’t you just pick a nice cellist like any decent person would do!”, they said to him.
“How can you do this! A string player… lower strings.. a violist even! The but(t) of all jokes in the orchestra! And from the CREA orchestra, were they don’t have to audition, those losers and underachievers. She’ll probably end up becoming some stuffy esoteric bureaucrat or something! Why don’t you just pick a wonderful cellist, like every person with good taste would do!”, they said to her.
This made them very sad, because they really did love each other, and their orchestras. So they asked their friends for advice.
“Oh Mercutio, what should I do! I love her so much but I also do not want to lose my orchestra family!”, he asked.
“Well, I think you should just ignore the critique. Remember that the CREA Orchestra is a very cozy orchestra with lots of passion and promiscuity. But also, Violists are freaky and eccentric in a good way. In fact, the viola section is the second coolest section (after the celli of course) and the second sexiest section (after the celli of course) of the orchestra!”, Mercutio answered.
“Oh dear sister, what should I do! I love him so much, but I would not want to lose my orchestra friends!”, she asked.
“Well, screw them, love conquers all. I mean, the Sweelinck orchestra is an ensemble with many good musicians some nice people. You are getting too old to get involved with dubious french horn boys, so someone more bourgeoisie and solid would be good for you. At least he’s no brass player.. Besides, oboists are almost like bassoonists, who are the cellists of the woodwinds.”, her sister answered.
But this still didn’t make things easier for them, and the feud lingered on violently for a long time, until, in total desperation, they took their own lives.
Actually, they did not, they choose a faith much worse than death. They decided to live together in Zoetermeer, the Detroit of the Netherlands.
And this horrific action shocked the people from both their orchestras so much, that they finally ended their feud, became friends and made beautiful music with each other until and beyond the end of time. And everyone still finds cellists (m/f/d) irresistible.